I've been Jewish for 37 years. I was circumsized at 8 days old. This decision of me being Jewish was made for me, by my parents, by theirs and all the way back to Abraham. If you take the story as truth. Most Jews do. I never chose to be Jewish. there was no time in my life where someone asked me: "Do you want to be Jewish?" it was a decision that was made for me. I think it compromises my belief. It wasn't a conscious decision. Its ironic that Jews are called the "chosen people" when we did not choose. Some say God chose us. Thats a lot of faith to go on. Who is God anyway?
I am jew. But what does that even mean to me?
So who was Abraham? He was the son of a idol maker who had visions of God. God spoke to Abraham and told him that he would be the father of a great tribe of people: The Jews. That's me. I'm in that tribe. My ancestry apparently goes way back to Moses and even further back to Abraham. Who wouldn't want to be in that Tribe? Some guy in sandals and a robe (Abraham) had such a great story that so many people followed him that 6000 years later (i think) I'm here in Toronto, writing about being a Jew. He was very convincing. He told kings to give him land and he grew a nation because people believed he spoke with God. He almost killed his son, because "God told him to". Thats faith.
Thats what brings me here. I don't hear God. I mean, he doesnt talk to me. I can feel his presence (at least i think i do) but he hasn't come out and said "Billie. This is God." Nothing to confirm that he is real, at least. I mean, i dont think I'm a prophet or the messiah (i got over that a long time ago - its called meglomania.) but I would like, at this time of my life, some sort of further evidence that he is real. I guess that is what faith is.
Wikipedia: Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing.
Trust is a funny word. I explored it in my last film The Ponzi Scheme. I lost 20K with trust and so many others lost so much more. I learned that trust, when blind and not won, is a fantasy. so where does that leave me and God?
i grew up Jewish. i went to hebrew school, youth group, religious school, i was bar mitzvahed and I was confirmated. I had shabbat every friday with my family and I went to the synangogue to pray. My aunt is religious - she lives in Israel with her husband and four children who are all orthodox jews and thats the biggest claim and connection I have to being Jewish. For me, that's not enough. people ask me what I am - i answer Canadian. I dont feel connected to being Jewish (outsode of the historic phenomenon) which makes me question my connection to God.
I do believe in God though. thats the irony of it all. I have a strong connection to "spirit". I feel blessed. I pray every night to thank all the people in my life. So its not like I'm some atheist who doesn't believe. I believe strongly - I just dont have anything concrete to hold on to.
Today I am going to volunteer at a synogogue for a friend. They are feeding the homeless. I'm going as a supporter of my friends (a family I grew up with), a concerened citizen of my city (to help out the homeless) and I guess as a Jew but I'm not really sure what that means.
Today I start my journey officially. I am looking for God. I will start at my roots but my journey has led me to pontificate a stronger realtionship than the one I have been born into.
No comments:
Post a Comment